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TrueStory

I remember one day when I was living with a friend years ago, I had up and decided to join the Secret Service. I called them (it was pretty difficult to get their number. I guess that was all part of their plan) and left a message that "I want in, you call me back at this number." and left to go buy cigarettes and talk to the homeless guy who lived outside the tattoo shop (I had woke up too late for class, so I just decided to spend the day smoking and drinking the rest of our liquor 'before it went bad'.). My roommate (who's always the straight man in our relationship, for some reason) got in from class and checked the answering machine, to hear *BEEP* "This is agent [whoever] from the Secret Service. We need to speak with Brad Patrick. Please have him call [their number]. *BEEP*. He was all freaked out when I got home. When he told me they called, I just said "goddamnit. I've got to go out and dump something over the levee now. I'll be back in an hour." and left.


Good times.