Mephitis mephitis, Philosophiæ Doctor (floyd_mephit) wrote,
Mephitis mephitis, Philosophiæ Doctor

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what's grosser than gross

I bought some birthday cards at Target for my mother and sister this weekend. They're the dopey kind with just an old 'nostalgic' or 'cutesey' black&white photograph with vaseline smeared on the lens of some goofey pose, and some mindless mush in the sleeve. I like to take them and print out a new set of words and glue it over the old one. It went over big with my mom on mother's day, so I'm thinking of some short and sweet ones for this time.

I've got a card with just a picture of a baby covering its face with its hands on the front. I was thinking of putting something like "It is estimated that 8 percent of all sexual assault victims are infants under 9 months of age. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM" Eh? Eh? whaddaya think people.

Another one is just a picture of a baby's feet, curled up into little baby-feet fists of sorts. I was gonna put on the sleeve, "What's the best part about putting a baby in a blender face first?" It's funnier if you've heard that joke before, I guess.

A third one's got two little Japanese boys sitting on steps, looking vaguely upwards and off to the side, and both look like they're yelling something. I was thinking the inside should say, "NAGASAAKIIIII!!!" , it makes me smile every time I think about it..

I love these types of cards, I always pick them up when I find them, and think up shit like this to put into them. I love seeing people's faces when they open the card expecting some kind of shoebox greeting rhetoric and get a facefull of dead baby joke.

Oh and btw I sent all those parts out today at lunch to the powdercoater, finally. Only ~40 bucks for shipping, too.
Tags: funny

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