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Beef stew, perfect for an AA meeting

Has it been a little while since I told y'all what I made and crammed over the slacked jaw attached to my head?  Since it's been awhile since I've even cooked anything at all, probably so.  I made beef stew, as such:

Beef Stew

2 pounds cubed beef (I buy the shitty "stew" meat, as it doesn't really matter how tough it is -- it'll be partially digested by the cooking)
1 onion, chopped coarsely
10 little nasty cocktail onions
3 carrots, peeled and cut into 1.5 inch lengths (so you don't feel emasculated)
5 peeled 'stew potatos' or similar type
2 stalks of celery, diced into 1cm lengths
3 cups flour
1 cup olive oil (not the 'virgin' kind, let it be as slutty as you)
1 cup of mixed spices and herbs, personally I like oregano, tarragon, marjoram, black pepper, celery seed, and mrs. dash
1 tbsp salt
3 bay leaves
1 can chicken broth
.75 cup cooking sherry
1 bottle beer (I prefer something chewy, like Shiner Hefeweisen)

Put the spices and herbs into a bowl with the salt, and dredge the chunks of meat lightly in it, then dredge the meat into the flour (I use a batter box job that does a friggin cherry job of it, but however you batter your meat is up to you and your web browser..)  Heat the oil in a good dutch oven over medium heat and brown the meat chunks on all sides briefly (don't crowd the pan, just do enough to fill about half the area of the bottom at one time) and set them aside.  Put the vegetables into the pan and while stirring every 38 seconds, let them just kind of mellow in there and get all interracial.  Then, turn the heat all the way  up and dump in the broth, beer, bay leaves, and wine, and go ahead and put the meat back in there for shits and giggles.  You should only have the meat from halfway to three-quarters of the way covered with liquid.  Bring the stuff to a boil and then cover it, reduce the heat and let it simmer for about an hour and a half to two hours.  Every once in awhile, go scrape the smidge off of the bottom of the dutch oven and swirl it back in, but maybe only a couple of times, so's the steam doesn't get out and bring stray dogs to the door.  After the simmering, you can taste it and fix the seasoning.  You can also dump a second round of fresh vegetables in if it's too strong, but if you do that, you'll need to simmer for another half hour at least.  At the end you should have a hazel-colored stew, which you can thicken by adding a little butter (kneaded), some file, or some cornstarch;  I like it as it stands, though.  So when you're done, eat up.  You can let it sit for a couple of days in the pot in the fridge, and the flavor will actually get a little better (and you can scrape the layer of fat right off the top if you're so vain (you conceited little masochist). 


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 1st, 2005 08:08 pm (UTC)
Ok, at the risk of making a complete ass of myself...

This made me laugh so hard that I almost choked on my tea.

I read your journal on occasion (I saw your replies on the Nothing Studios LJ, which hasn't been updated in 2 damn years) and it usually makes me giggle.

~some girl you don't know
Jan. 2nd, 2005 08:52 pm (UTC)
Well you're ovbiously a connoisseur of subtle wit and sloppy cooking! :)

I'm tickled that you like my journal -- I think the guys on my friends-of list read it on occasion too, actually (though you wouldn't know to read the comments). I don't remember the thread at the Nothing Studios community, what was I saying?

~~some guy you know
Jan. 3rd, 2005 05:34 am (UTC)
Actually, nothingstudios wasn't a community- it was one guy pretending to be Trent Reznor, probably Meathead from The NIN Hotline :D

I tried to go get specific quotes- apparently the server it sits on is down (or something). You just kept giving him shit, making fun of whatever he said.

One thing that stands out in my mind: he was talking about how he was bored with puss women and wanted to 'do' elbows now. *chuckle* You said something about knowing why the pussy was scarce for him then, or some such. Figures- I'll bet this is the only time that journal has ever been inaccessible, heh.

I still can't stop laughing at your stew recipe!

-1 cup of mixed spices and herbs (One cup? Lol!)

-At the end you should have a hazel-colored stew, which you can thicken by adding a little butter (kneaded), some file

That^^^ is what almost caused my tea to give 2nd degree burns to my epiglottis :P

In addition to the more blatently smart-assed remarks ;)

Jan. 3rd, 2005 10:46 am (UTC)
Ohhhhh.. that fake Trent Reznor guy. What a tortured soul that guy was. Must've been agonizing choosing which fanpics to post and how high to set the drama-meter on the captions.. Man, that was a long time ago, but yeah, I like to spread the funny at the expense of the overly dramatic types.

I take it you don't don't put ground-up file in your beef stew either, eh? -][o And hmm.. one cup of spices might be a little bit much for a mortal man..

Jan. 3rd, 2005 11:49 am (UTC)
To be certain, there is no shortage of drama on LJ!

So I stalked you on your profile page: Your AIM s/n is Loxosceles? As in Loxosceles reclusa? We have those in Seattle- I had a friend get bit right on the crease between his butt cheek and thigh. Firstly, ouch! Secondly- that thing looked horrible for weeks. We kept telling him it was going to make his balls fall off :D

I notice we belong to a few of the same communities- the good, gross ones!

May I add you to my friends list? It would be easier than typing your name in each time; I can be a lazy girl ;D (I won't be insulted if you don't add me, I don't care about stuff like that).

Jan. 3rd, 2005 06:26 pm (UTC)

Yeah, I thought loxosceles sounded neato back in 92 or whenever I first got that AOL account. Those babies can give you one hell of a kiss and it's the gift that keeps on giving.

My favorite LJ communities are the nasty ones, always something to watch while eating lunch!

And you can totally add me; I'll add you back because I'm a lazy boy.

Jan. 4th, 2005 12:14 am (UTC)
Done and done!

I used to work in a clinic. HIV, AIDS and STDs, often compounded with IV drug use (which made for awesome cases of Necrotizing Fasciitis!)... I wish I had some pictures of the horrors I've seen, to post on Extreme TMI!

Loxosceles does sound neato- like some bad-ass demon or something. What a great name for your new dog! :P


[I have to post this, because it made me giggle: The suggested spellings replacements for Necrotizing are Narcotizing, Negroids, Nonreducing and Recrudescing! I can't explain it but, I can't stop laughing!]
Jan. 4th, 2005 10:54 am (UTC)
I would love to be in a setting where I could see people rotting away from the inside out like that, except at a clinic I suppose I'd be obligated to help them or at least speak to them... that kind of kills the joy of the whole thing. I would probably have gotten fired for taking cameraphone snapshots or something and posting them online, anyway.

A dog named loxosceles? hmmmm.. I was thinking of Johnny Booth for a male, but I'm still open-minded..

Negroid Fasciitis? I'm getting mental pictures of what that's gotta look like..!

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )