Anyway, I dug out the dye and put it on my face. Five minutes (!) later, I washed it off, and now once again my facial hair is homogenous, one color, one tint, eine Deutscheland. Contrary to most of the other people who dye their hair, I feel several years older than I did before. I'm definitely not planning on dyeing away my gray hairs, since I've had them since I was around 16. My mother's already begun that journey full steam ahead, and is, I reckon, oblivious to the irony when we two are seen together, and I'm the only one sporting gray.
And so here I sit with brown dye smeared around my mouth, looking like I've just felched a big cheesy butthole, with one of my natural defenses gone. Or didn't you know that very light and very dark hair together is one of nature's ways of saying ''Don't Touch''?