Have you seen these commercials for the Game Boy SP final fantasy game? With the kids on the phones, dressed up like some kind of cosplay, talking to the camera all brooding and forebearing? I wish I could remember what the lines were. One of the ones was this fat kid, maybe 13 years old dressed like Princess Amidalla with the receiver up to his ear like some kind of telethon for the return of his lunch money. I guess it was an ad for a 1-900 hint line or perhaps something even more unnerving, a chat line. It was supposed to be pretty ominous, what with the mood music and the pixels, but it came out awkward and fruity.

I spent about $150 on the original game boy when I was around 8 or 9, of my own money earned from cutting grass and washing cars (yes, I was an employed sprog) and after about 6 months of the shittiest games alive coming to a K-mart near me, I realized I wasted my money and never looked at a gaming device that small again. I was pissed when the old GB dropped to $80, when the color version came out at $100, and when the SP came out. I remember hand-printing a sheet with all the cheatcodes and level tips to my games and laminating the sonofabitch so I'd have my shit at the ready (no gamesharks back then). I had my time invested. But Nintendo didn't come through and I abandoned the project. Now they have good games for the GB, but they market them like Miss Cleo? Fuck that noise. I guess that's what the kids want nowadays.

I'm going to go have a glass of metamucil and be wizened and outdated now, I reckon.