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sans souci

I found myself upstairs again Monday, at my neighbor's apt after being summoned to drink. So I did. There was some sort of moonshine there, and it tasted like it was purposely spiked with isopropanol. but, why should I complain about poison on the rebirth of our calendar year. There were olives and penguin-cake and chili, so I had a few Kitty Dukakis specials and played some video games. I had a hangover the next day and worked about 10 hours on what I had hoped would be a holiday.

The guy above me had some sort of a laundry problem, which poured a couple hundred gallons of his locker room-scented washwater down to the 2nd floor, and filtered down to my floor. It was dripping out of the fire detector and through the walls behind the toilet. I flipped the breaker off because I could hear the wires sparking in the ceiling. It was, and still is, fucking gross.

Almost as gross as the 2-stone shit-cream-pie that my dog took on the carpeted living room floor the next day. I guess there really isn't any point in cleaning the carpet anymore, as I will never get out of having to replace it when I leave here. There are more excrement stains on the fucking carpet than on a German motel bedspread.

I'm pretty amused to read about all you dopes mentioning new years resolutions, as if yesterday were some magical day of wiping some slate clean and forgetting why you gave up your goals LAST february. You're not going to lose any weight (barring cancer), you're not going to have more free time (you wouldn't enjoy it anyway), and you're not going to get married (unless you move to Massachusetts). I'm not saying you shouldn't make new years resolutions (YES I REALLY AM, THEY ARE AN EXERCISE IN SELF-DELUSION), all I'm saying is you should make resulutions that you're realistically going to keep until at least March. I resolve, this year, to smoke more cigarettes, to drink more alcohol, to shorten my lifespan significantly (by at least 3 years) by some easy means, to masturbate, to laugh at other people's misfortunes, and to not give one fucking dollar to a bum. These are pretty easy goals for me, it's no secret. But, I think I deserve to lower the rim until even midget-me can make a slam dunk. Why? because who gives a shit; The new year means one thing to me: I have to go out and buy a new goddamn calendar.

So let's go out there and be selfish, be rude and egoistic, spend and slosh and jerk and wipe and click and clack and puff and sneer. Let's be honest with our fight-or-flight, our shortest path, our least resistance, our amygdalas. Let's stop and remember the reason we are trying to achieve so much THIS month, THIS year: oh fuck, was there a reason? yes, Yes, YES there is -- we're all dopes with easy-to-wash brains. This year, be dry clean only; be an argumentative old shithead, be Debbie Downer (meaning a pill-head, of course); be Pigpen, be Ahab, be Trump. I fucking GUARANTEE you will fall back in love with yourself, if only for little bit.

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Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
just_the_ash
Jan. 3rd, 2008 02:14 am (UTC)
Which Pigpen? The original one from the comic strip, or Ron "Pigpen" McKernan?
floyd_mephit
Jan. 3rd, 2008 03:38 pm (UTC)
..let's say the former, unless there's something particularly unkempt about the latter.
just_the_ash
Jan. 3rd, 2008 05:04 pm (UTC)
Well, yeah. Number one, how do you get that nickname unless it's reverse-naming, like you have Monk-style OCD and you're actually lab-clean all the time? Also, this was one of his more kempt days. Thank you to my friends at images.google.com. (He died on my birthdate; that's part of why I know that.)
silversledge
Jan. 3rd, 2008 07:06 pm (UTC)
So bitter, so jaded, so horney....

Good thing you're so pretty, otherwise that jolly demeanor might get in the way. I'm playing some Emo right now for you, but to balance it out I'm jerking off to G.I. Joe porn. Well, I guess that balances it out. Right?
silversledge
Jan. 3rd, 2008 07:07 pm (UTC)
I know this is like 3 seconds after the last post, put I even creeped myself out with that. Happy new year's B. Rad.
(Deleted comment)
floyd_mephit
Jan. 8th, 2008 08:34 pm (UTC)
Re: Pardon the intrusion...
Well hello, internet stranger. Oh, were you a Sherwood Middle falcon too? Wasn't the La. public school system awesome? Didn't it prepare you for living life to the fullest?

Yea you can add me, no problem. I will add you back.
(Deleted comment)
floyd_mephit
Jan. 9th, 2008 04:49 am (UTC)
Re: Pardon the intrusion...
That name sounds familiar, but IIRC it was Mrs. Earhart who taught me 6th and 8th grade history (La history was in 8th grade I think). I didn't take band but several of my friends did and I hung out in the band room a lot breaking things often. I've been to Silver spring a few times, my friend (who went to Sherwood with me) used to live there.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )