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I wish I had had a tape recorder.

I was happened upon while parking my bike in front of my apartment after work by an old man with an evil-looking left eye and a crooked mouth riding a bicycle. He started a conversation about Harley-Davidsons, but the conversation (mostly his rambling) drifted to the unexplainable. Here's some choice quotes from him (as best I can remember, and I was trying really hard to remember):

"Do you know about Schizophrenia? Let me tell you about Schizophrenia. I went off my medication 25 years ago.."

"And I pulled one of those U2 planes right out of the swamp.."

"And those Ku Klux Klan people? They're all WHITE!!"

"Unappropriate things might impress normal people, but if you were to get upset at something I say, I might just start crying like a little baby."

"And then I started predicting which person would drown next. I pulled this drowned 14-year old boy scout out of the river wedged under a tree..."

"Have you ever been around dead people? You ever killed anyone? .... I've killed lots of people."

"I've been in prison in both Texas and Louisana."

"They got me on that 'Aloe Vera' stuff. I'm drinking a gallon a day. My colon polyps make a whole bunch of that gooey stuff what makes me have like diarrhea-er(sic), except all the time."

"What do you know about ESP? I've got ESP. I've been able to predict headlines..."

"And the Investigater stole my pictures from the newspaper, and took the negatives too."

"I live in a tent on 50th street. I just got my drivers license today. I just bought an Oldsmobile for $50 and I drove it into the woods."

"The dark race is the strongest race on Earth."

"They called me the Tire King of Louisiana. I had my picture on the front page of the New Orleans paper standing on two hundred thousand tires."


And on and on. After awhile it started getting dark and I was tired of waiting for him to ask me for money, so I locked up my bike (and double-checked it) and went inside. As I was leaving he told me of his famous addition to the old saying about a dog biting the hand that feeds you, "Well, you shouldn't have had your hand so close." I guess that sums it up for me.